THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
