420 ftw
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
