where am i from again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
