Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
