I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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