he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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