so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
