Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
