I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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