My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
