When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
