1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
