When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
