used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
