My room smells like vodka and shame
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
