I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
True but thats because hes a fetus.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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