If that was your dad, he is hot
I faked an abortion last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
