I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
