don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
