Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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