The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
