she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
