you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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