maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
