i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am naked and annoyed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
