I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
