My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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