i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize