I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My penis needs a shock collar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
