i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
