Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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