Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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