I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
