There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
