Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
