Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
