Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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