maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
