I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
