Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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