dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
