i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize