I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How's work?
Spinning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
