you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
