Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she peed on how many people?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
