I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
