apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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