Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
