Just cropdusted the office
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
