You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
