His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
