the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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