one word: firstdatebathroomanal
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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