I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
