I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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