I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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