why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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