i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize