I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love you. Go after that dick
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
