i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
