Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
