Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
