I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize