How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
