Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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