Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
