I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
