It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
