No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
