buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize