Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
