I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
handjob tips. give me some.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
