He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
