my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
