I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And then he peed in my hair
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