Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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