i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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