this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
