hotel room ftw
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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