It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
