I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
