I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
