Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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